Warning: Topics discussed in this column
are (most likely) chock full of
sex, lust and all of that other good stuff that
makes life somewhat interesting.
I mean, this is a sex advice column, isn't it? If
you are easily offended
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go back to the table of contents and pick
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Hi Alla,
I'm a 23 year old guy living in Michigan. (Nice
and cold up here.) Basically
my question is about my relationship. I'm
trying to get some viewpoints to
make a major decision.
All through high-school I've been a big
proponent of celibacy. I was even
in a few high-school groups that promoted it,
along with sexual awareness.
It's a choice for me, I've been saving myself
until I'm married.
I have a girlfriend now, and she's had one
other relationship before me where,
although she hasn't gone, "All the way," (I hate
that phrase) she's done
a lot. I, on the other hand, really haven't done
much of anything. (I think
second base at the most). Well, now we're
talking about sex ... seriously.
We've decided that we would like to,
eventually, get married. And honestly,
I can't wait until that day. It's really driving me
crazy, and I'm wondering,
since I'm pretty sure we're going to get
married anyway, is there any harm
in having sex before hand? We're truly in love,
and I know it's going to
stay that way, it's just something I've been so
adamant about for so long?
Any advice would be so appreciated!
Please help me.
Dear Please:
You've waited so long, why give into
temptation now? Hell, man, you've joined
*groups* that promote holding out - you must
feel strongly about it.
It's important to not only think about the act of
sex - the sweet build-up
over dinner, the tender kisses on her neck, the
butterflies in your stomach,
undressing each other slowly with shaking
hands, the feeling when you first
enter her (remember to think about baseball),
the mind-shattering climax,
the refreshing cigarette afterward - but the next
day. Since you've focused
so much energy on being a "good boy," you'll
feel cheap the next day. You'll
feel like you compromised your convictions for
a night of wanton lust.
What's worse, is once you start having sex,
you can't stop. Trust me. My
ex-husband shared this bit of knowledge with
me before our first time, and
I laughed in his face. Hah. Now look who's
laughing last. How little I knew.
But I digress.
So you'll be stuck with the inner turmoil - the
battle between feeling cheap
for having sex before marriage, and wanting it
again so bad you'd chew through
your own leg if it got you laid. Without realizing
it's happening, you'll
become a slave to these sexual thoughts.
You'll undress every woman you meet
with your eyes. You'll want to "take them out for
a spin" to compare them
to your girlfriend - telling yourself it's just to
learn new tricks to share
with your girlfriend.
Speaking of the sweetheart, you'll look at your
darling, ex-virgin girlfriend
with a different pair of eyes. You'll become
paranoid - wondering if your
ex-virgin girlfriend is having the same
thoughts. "Has she done the dirty
deed with another man," will be the question
that haunts you at night.
Sex is a drug, man. Highly addictive. Approach
it with caution.
Alla
Got a question for Alla? Good! Write it up and
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